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High expectations: how to avoid disappointment
Quarrels, protracted depressions, repeated breakups of relationships - this is not a complete list of what overestimated expectations lead to. A psychologist at the Victory in You Center for Innovative Psychology and Human Efficiency shared information about why we have false hopes, what consequences they have, and how to get rid of the habit of counting on more than they are willing to give us.
- Why are there high expectations?
- Syndrome of high expectations, like all habits and tendencies, are formed in early childhood. Parents very often project their dreams onto the child. They want him to know at least three languages by the age of five, dance, sing and, of course, understand all the laws of physics. If a mother has wanted to be a ballerina all her life, there is a great chance that she will give her child to ballet. True, the kid himself is rarely asked what he wants. This has a detrimental effect on the child's psyche, makes him closed, conflicted and very depressed.
In his adult life, this baby will transfer the model of parenting behavior. It will seem to him that everyone - colleagues, friends and, of course, his children - must do exactly as he imagined. As a result, there is a strong difference between expectations and reality, which leads to resentment, misunderstanding, big problems with building communication and relationships, insecurity, and complexes.
- That is, the parents are “to blame” for everything?
- No. Many factors influence the formation of the syndrome of high expectations: the media, acquaintances, people around, and so on, but the main factor is ourselves.
- How does the media influence?
- I will explain with a few examples. Often in love series, a man is shown as a romantic hero - Apollo, who will move mountains for the sake of his beloved, is ready to listen to her for hours, make all the concessions, reasonable and not very steps, just to please her. It is logical that many girls who watch such films paint such a picture of relationships in their heads. Faced with the first everyday problems, their dreams are brutally smashed against the stones of reality. Their boyfriends-husbands don't know how they "should" behave.
The same applies to men, whom the media impose on the role of “male-earner”. Real family life is often a burden for them, a woman in their eyes is weak and helpless, and they themselves are smarter and wiser than everyone.
Instagram is, in principle, a hotbed of high expectations. You look at the ideal insta-moms who lost weight even before they gave birth, everyone is doing well, running 5 businesses, and their children are obedience itself. Many subscribers of such accounts are sure that they will have the same beautiful life. But, unfortunately, they do not think that beautiful photographs often hide not the most rosy life.
Of course, it cannot be said that everyone, without exception, suffers from the syndrome of high expectations. But such a model of behavior and perception of the surrounding world is a fairly common phenomenon.
- How high expectations affect relationships with family, friends, colleagues?
- Only in the worst way, or rather, pernicious. And here even the speech is not in relations with others, but in the state of health. A person with high demands and expectations often feels deceived, betrayed, abandoned and unnecessary. He just needs to realize that he is deceiving himself in the first place.
Naturally, this leads to pain and discouragement. The person does not understand why they did this to him. Why does he stay up late at work to do the perfect report, and the boss did not think about giving him a bonus or a salary increase. Why did you get up an hour earlier in the morning to cook your husband's favorite dish for breakfast, and in return received the usual "thank you" instead of praise and compliment?
A house of cards built in dreams collapses, and an emptiness appears in its place. It is with her that the path to depression begins.
- Who is inclined to form excessive demands?
This is definitely not a specific group of people - absolutely everyone is inclined. But another thing is also important: how often a person does it and how he perceives, reacts to a result that may not correspond to his expectations. Manners and reactions, in turn, depend on many factors: temperament, age, upbringing ... I can say for sure that each of us at least once in our life wanted more from people than they could give.
- How to understand that you expect more from people than they can give?
- If you said at least once: “I thought he would do differently”, “he offended me with his attitude to me”, “she doesn’t try to fix everything”, “he should do wrong” - you are faced with the syndrome of high expectations. Breathe in, breathe out and begin to get rid of this misery. Soon you will feel how much easier life has become.
- How to get rid of the syndrome of high expectations?
- The work is not easy and long enough if you fight the syndrome alone. At the courses at the Center for Innovative Psychology and Human Efficiency "Victory in You", we tell you how to get rid of high expectations and thus build your happy future.
There are some tips you can apply today. The first and foremost is to acknowledge that you are expecting too much from people and from yourself. It seems so easy. But in practice, we see that it is difficult for people to realize their mistakes. People often come to our Center with a feeling of insecurity, disappointment and emptiness. Our experts help you understand yourself and understand what you have to work on.
The second is to accept our own and other people's shortcomings and recognize that each of us is far from ideal. To do this, at the Center, we help a person gain a new level of understanding, teach them to use various techniques and techniques. And the third recommendation is to direct all efforts to self-improvement. Let's say the psychologists of our center always say that the best way to accept yourself is to accept others as they are!
- So you think that our main strength is ourselves?
- Of course, that is why our center is called “Victory in you”! The specialists of our Center help to find this power and use it to build a happy life.
High expectations are a path to self-destruction. If you feel pain, resentment, disappointment - contact the specialists of the Center for Innovative Psychology and Human Efficiency "Victory in you". They will help bring your life to a whole new level!